I Couldn’t Sleep Last Night
It’s hard for me to consider what constitutes yesterday when I stay up all night. I tried sleeping for an hour and a half and couldn’t fall asleep. I was plagued with visions of being on stage as a comedian. It is interesting because the visions always go in one of two ways. In one way I’m hilarious. I’m quirky and dryly witty, making people laugh while delivering intelligent insight on the ridiculous ways of life, and I am finding that my genuine interpretation and mannerism of speaking; is genuinely funny to others listening. The other way, which I consider the dark side, is me fumbling over myself. Rambling incoherently about the way life is and being bitter about the trivial things that happen. No one laughs, there is only awkwardness between sentences as I stare out into a unappreciative audience.
I think in reality if I was to find myself going onstage I would be the first way. I don’t have much difficulty speaking to a group especially if the purpose of me talking is to simply talk. I can see that the most difficult thing would be maintaining an honest tone. Most of the great comics don’t talk about issues they think the audience will like, instead they talk about personal issues they have, issues about topics they genuinely care about, with the ultimate purpose of releasing their frustrations as opposed to pandering to a group of strangers. The idea would be not to placate and try to make people laugh, but to express yourself in a way that people understand and relate to, in their realization that they can comprehend your situation, you create a bond, a shared life experience, that leaves a greater feeling of value in the comedy and the moments you are sharing.
I think my mind has been wandering into the fantasy of being stand up because I am yearning for an outlet. I am a naturally creative person and I am cooped up in my current routine of doing nothing and going broke. I believe change is in order and a new risk needs to be made on my part.