Attraction will always be an illusive devil that strikes when we least expect it. I wanted to believe for a moment that I felt something genuine, but in the end it was a matter of the flesh, the perky cleavage and the various curves that make up a woman. I deceived myself and thought with eyes clouded by my abstinence and past foibles. Convenience and proximity turned into a deceptive concoction.
My attraction soon turned to heartache when the feeling was not reciprocated. Once I revealed the truth, my attempts were turned down and ultimately she fell into someone else’s bed, and I was left with the deep cut of rejection that grew in the space between my heart and my stomach. I was mad, frustrated, and that spiteful feeling of being unattractive set in. I began to despise myself. I sought refuge in the advise of those around me, calling in the night hoping for someone to pick up their phone and console my bitterness.
What I inevitably learned from my folly is the difference between lust and love.
We lust for things we cannot have, for things that are on the surface, and for that fleeting flurry of joy that comes when we see our desires in front of us. With lust, the self vanishes behind a veil of sweet perfumes and charming phrases. With lust, we don’t think of anything but self satisfaction, and the routes we can take to obtain what we covet. It is an addiction we must be cautious of, for it will drain the life from us, destroy hopes and crush dreams with a single breath. Lust is the cousin of shame which we hide from the world that festers in our hearts, causing delusions and distractions that overwhelms our senses.
Love, on the other hand, is our ultimate goal. Whether we deny it or not, every person wants to find love. We want the comfort of being acknowledged and accepted as a person, we need love to feel validation. With love, there is no failure, there are only hurdles, ups and downs that permeate into our every move. Love changes us, and change is inherently good. We need change so we can grow, and even when change appears worse, it is merely a stepping stone to the next chapter in our lives.
Love is the wind in our sails that guides us through stormy seas, and without it, our live are vapid exercises in breathing.
That being said; Lust is a cluster fuck, a lying whore of an emotion that drains everything from you and gives nothing back and love, to love, is to live, breath, grow, laugh, cry, and feel your heart pumping as the electric vibe of the world flows through you and inspires you to create and give back.
To put it plainly, word of advice is to avoid falling in love with an ex-stripper sleeping on your couch. It doesn’t end well.